This week has been a bit of a challenge. I was presented with the opportunity to choose life or death in my words, thoughts and actions. Many times! Even though I knew what choice should be made – I struggled to embrace what I knew was right. I really wanted to wallow in self pity, or frustration. I would justify my feeling and convince myself I deserved to feel this way.
You ever feel that way?
When life throws us a curve ball we have a choice as to how we respond. We will always have opportunity to be misunderstood, disappointed, or to be stretched beyond what’s comfortable. Our spouses, kids and friends will not always meet our personal expectations and we will be let down. At some point, we will face the choice to either believe the best or the worst. It’s up to us.
Whatever you expect, you’ll most likely experience so choose wisely!
My husband and I are very close and talk about anything and everything – nothing is off the table in our relationship but this week we had a situation where He did something that had a profound impact on me.
For years he has wanted another tattoo and we have talked about it many times. He’s spent a lot of time thinking it about it, researching meanings, significance and carefully thought about what He wants.
Last Christmas I decided to give him some cash towards this little venture even though it was a stretch on me. I see nothing wrong with tattoos but I don’t prefer them so it was a big step to give money towards this! He finally decided the timing was right and set up a consultation to get started. I have not always been positive in my communication about him getting it and really left him feeling like I did not want to be a part of the process. So, he did not make me a part of the process….deep inside I did want to be and was hoping He would choose not to go through with it.
A word to the wise – when you don’t communicate what you need, it’s not fair to expect others to know what you need!
Even though we had talked about it along the way; size was very vaguely communicated. The day came for Jamie to go in for the first session. I asked for a picture of the transfer they had just put on His arm. I had no idea this would spin me into a melt down and literally throw my off my reality for a whole week.
I was in the middle of shoe store with my kids when the picture came in. I burst into tears, I reacted and my reaction to him wasn’t exactly life giving. I had an expectation that he would respect my wishes (the ones I hadn’t communicated) and in that moment I realized that was not at all his reality. He did what he wanted and definitely not what I wanted.
This tattoo was 5 times the size I was expecting and it broke my heart. The thought that I would have to look at his arm covered in that much “ink” for the rest of our lives was more than my heart or mind could bear and over the next few days I had nothing nice to say. My words and actions reflected my feelings of being totally disappointed in His choice. Instead of choosing to speak life into the situation I allowed my words to hurt and destroy.
In Deuteronomy 30:19 it says, “Today I am giving you a choice of two ways. And I ask heaven and earth to be witnesses of your choice. You can choose life or death. The fist choice will bring a blessing. The other choice will bring a curse. So choose Life! Then you and your children will live!
When we have a thought that is not based on truth it will affect the way we feel, which will affect the way we behave. This create a cycle, that can spin out of control. It is dangerous and will lead to mistreating people around us.
In the moment, I believed that he didn’t value me as his spouse, which of course was not true. He believed I wasn’t a fan and didn’t care to know the details. I’d showed no real interest and he didn’t know that I did actually value being a part of the whole process and the size was important to me.
With this false truth I felt betrayed, excluded and hurt. In return my behavior towards him reflected that. I become very toxic to others and myself. I lost my sense of value and self control.
There is something extra special about this verse in Deuteronomy that has caught my attention.
We as moms and wives have an opportunity to set up our family to win by choosing life! We have the opportunity to set the atmosphere in our home, shift negative thinking and to encourage our kids to do the same.
One of the chapters refers to the Law of Entanglement where it states that; relationship is the defining characteristic of everything in space and time. What we say, think and do has a direct impact to those around us. She goes on to say, “We are so entangled that our intentions alter not only our own DNA molecules, but the DNA molecules of others as well.
Say WHAAAT?
An ingenuous experiment set up by the HeartMath Foundation determined that genuine positive emotion, as reflected by a measure called ‘heart rate variability’ directed with intentionality toward someone actually changed the way the double-helix DNA strand coil and uncoils. And this goes for both positive and negative emotions and intentions. Other research shows that heartfelt intention will cumulatively alter not only your own destiny but impact the lives of others in this generation and the next three generations at least”
Whoa…..do you get the magnitude of this? We have been empowered to choose life or choose death. How often I find myself uttering grumblings or frustrations at my children or husband. Essentially I have spoke death over their hearts, destiny and future. Lord, Help me to speak life over them, to learn to let the non-essentials go and literally shape their future for greatness!
In Proverbs 4:20-27 we see God’s plan laid out for us to help us choose life and life in His divine health and life. “My son, pay attention to what I say. Listen closely to my words. Don’t let them out of your sight. Never stop thinking about them. These words are the secret of life and health to all who discover them. Above all, be careful what you think because your thoughts control your life. Don’t bend the truth or say things that you know are right. Keep your eyes on the path, and look straight ahead. Make sure you are going the right way, and nothing will make you fall. Don’t go to the right or to the left, and you will stay away from evil.”
I am learning that the choice is in my hands and with the power of the Holy Spirit I have the ability to choose life. Am I going to choose to speak life over him and not make him feel bad for His choices…..well I am working on that! I keep asking myself will I allow this to keep a wedge between us or will I choose to let it be a non-essential in our relationship. Will I allow my heart to ache everytime I look at his arm or will I choose to not let it phase me? Working on this one too and I know that God will give the strength to choose life not only in this situation but in my relationships with my children, in everyday situations and even in my own thinking! We had some amazing conversation in the weeks that followed this whole situation and because I finally decided to choose life, my heart and attitude shifted. We were able to really draw close to one another and reconcile the hurst that we had both caused. As time has passed the tattoo has grown on me a lot and now I hate to admit but I actually really love it on him!
Let me leave you with this verse in Romans 12:2 “Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God want for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to Him and what is perfect.
Let’s commit to choose life – to be atmosphere changers with our words. Let’s choose to shape the future and destiny of our families by the words that we speak! With His help – ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
SCRIPTURE TO HELP YOU CHOOSE LIFE:
- John 8:44
- Romans 12:5
- 1 Corinthians 2:11
- Matthew 6:25-33
- Proverbs 3:5-6
